I love superheroes. My upcoming release, Sidekick, is testament to that love. Luckily for me part of my superhero research involves watching copious amounts of retro TV clips on Youtube. I don’t take this kind of research lightly, especially not when I’m about to delve into one of my favourite childhood TV shows - WONDER WOMAN. I know, you’re excited just hearing the name. Now, I have to admit watching clips of beloved classics from thirty years ago is a risky endeavor. I recently watched a clip or two from Knight Rider, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be the same (even thirty seconds of The Hoff was a little too much Hoff), so I was particularly nervous about seeing how Wonder Woman has stood the test of time. Here’s the before and after of my experience.
1) Bracelets that stop bullets. Oh yes, even the thought of those bracelets gives me tingles. I remember playing in my basement, waving my fists through the air, making Pew! Pew! sounds as bullets ricocheted off my wrists. Good times.
2) Golden lasso that compels liars to tell the truth. I mean do I need to expand on that? Seriously, how handy would that lasso be?
3) Invisible jet. Okay, even as a kid I understood that the invisible jet was a flawed concept given that the jet did not make her invisible – a problem only made worse by her Look-at-me! outfit – but that did not stop me from sitting on a straight-backed chair with my hands out gripping the imaginary steering wheel of said jet, role-playing my flight through the clouds.
4) The spin that could change your outfit. Who wouldn’t want to change clothes with a twirl? On a side note, as I kid, I could spin for hours. I tried it recently. I don’t recommend it for anyone over the age of thirty.
5) The theme song. Oh yeah, that earworm is going to be digging around in your head all day. If you are one of the few unfortunate people who has never heard Wonder Woman’s theme song, you must go and google it immediately. It’s okay. I’ll wait…did you do it? Ha! See what I mean? Awesome. Sometimes I sing it when I’m cleaning the kitchen.
1) Wonder Woman’s origin story starts out a little like porno. It`s true. I wouldn`t have realized this as a child, obviously, but as an adult…well…it`s pretty shocking. Here’s a little taste. In the first episode, we learn Wonder Woman is a princess living on a remote secret island, Paradise Island, populated solely by Amazons. One day a man falls from the sky with a parachute, and the fall renders him unconscious. The women figure that someone has to take him back to his land, i.e., the United States of America, so that their all-female society will remain undiscovered. Wonder Woman decides to compete to be this champion. She explains her motivations while staring longingly at the shirtless man lying comatose on the bed. You see, she has to be the one who takes him back because…are you ready for it…seeing this man makes her feel things…things she has never felt before. Oh yeah, baby. Do you hear that Bow Chicky Bow Bow music?
2) There are a lot of shots of Wonder Woman running. I mean a lot of shots. This show gives Baywatch a run for its money. Oh look! There’s Wonder Woman running on the beach! There’s Wonder Woman running in an Amazon competition with a javelin! There’s Wonder Woman running down the street chasing a criminal! Seriously people, after ten minutes I was exhausted for her.
3) Lynda Carter has fabulous breasts. I feel weird and creepy for even saying that, but it’s not my fault. They are in every shot! And, I guess, in this day and age, I’m just so used to seeing breasts that are either pumped full of silicone or propped up with push up bras that it’s really strange to see full, natural breasts. They are astounding. Truly astounding.
4) The theme song also has porn subtext. Okay, it’s still an awesome song, but it turns out that I had only remembered maybe two lines of the lyrics accurately. Upon re-listening I noticed a few things, one being that Wonder Woman can stop wars with love. Just visualize that for a moment…I’m sure many, many men have.
5) One more…okay maybe two more awesome things. Wonder Woman has a crown that can be used as a boomerang. I had completely forgotten about that. And I had also forgotten that she can bend the bars of a jail cell open. Awesome.
So at this point, I feel like I have to come to some sort of conclusion or point, but I don’t really want to. You’ve read my evidence. Come to your own conclusions about Wonder Woman’s contribution to pop culture, the presentation of female superheroes, the past representations of women in the media, and feminist/anti-feminist messages therein. All I can say, is that after all these years, Wonder Woman is still bringing me joy…and I guess that’s something.
Auralee Wallace has played many roles in her life, including college professor, balloon seller, and collections agent. She is now living her dream of writing humorous women’s fiction. When this semi-natural blonde mother of three children (and psychiatric nurse to two rescue cats) isn’t writing or playing soccer, she can be found watching soap operas with lurid fascination and warring with a family of peregrine falcons for the rights to her backyard.
Publisher: Escape Publishing
Date of Publication: 1 June 2014
Cover Artist: Danielle Mait
Number of pages: Approx 172
Heroes meets Kick-Ass in this brilliant and hilarious debut about a girl who just wants to save the world...
Bremy St James, daughter of billionaire Atticus St James, has been cut off from the family fortune and is struggling to survive in a world that no longer holds its breath every time she buys a new outfit. To make matters worse, her twin sister is keeping secrets, loan sharks are circling, and the man of her dreams — a newspaper reporter — is on assignment to bring down everyone with the last name St James.
Things are certainly looking bleak for the down-and-out socialite until a good deed throws her into the path of the city’s top crime-fighter, Dark Ryder. Suddenly, Bremy has a new goal: apprentice to a superhero, and start her own crime-fighting career.
Ryder has no need for a sidekick, but it turns out the city needs Bremy’s help. Atticus St James is planning the crime of the century, and Bremy may be the only one able to get close enough to her father to stop him.
Now all she needs to do is figure out this superhero thing in less than a month, keep her identity secret from the man who could very well be The One, and save the city from total annihilation.
Well, no one ever said being a superhero would be easy...
ISBN: 9780857991591 | ASIN: Will be available end of April
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